Prism of Perception

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It happened last winter. At the end of February, as you may remember a big show storm was coming. Somehow a warm and full of humid wind from south got mixed up with a cold blow from north and turned into a 36” of snow. And when the snowfall died, the north blow came again and covered the snow with a thick crust of ice.

The conditions were getting bad every minute, the roads grew black ice and cars were getting destroyed almost with the same speed they were produced in Michigan. One car per minute of drive.  The well oiled machine of our existence started to slag a little bit. First there were delivery trucks that got stuck somewhere in Pennsylvania, then it was the turn for postal cars. Mails got hold up in post offices. And that was good – one more day without bills and payment reminders. Then the stores got empty – which always happen for some reason. I don’t know what people are thinking about, but every time when a big storm comes, they emptying the stores. Like if everything is going to freeze for a week or two…

Anyway. Finally by ten o’clock of night the life got paralyzed… there were no cars on the roads and highways, but daredevils on SUVs and snow plows. The stores got closed early and TV shows were getting interrupted every fifteen minutes for “emergency” weather update. I was laying on the couch in basement’s family room and watching movie on HBO. I like HBO. No commercials and a lot of good shows and movies.

I had a diced-up cheese on bamboo cutting board, a glass of wine and half-full bottle next to me. My stomach was full, my feet were warm and nothing was disturbing me in that night…. I was resting.

An hour and half later the bottle was empty my head was light and all worries and thoughts were gone. My boring work and my failed relationship were not that dramatic anymore and I was felling quite excited. Must be the wine… Mondavi is a good, very good brand. I was thinking to go to cellar for a second bottle but TV caught my attention and I changed my mind and stayed on couch. A small, very small thought came to my mind about the going to work tomorrow, but I shoo’ed it away saying to myself, that with a snowfall like this I have a valid reason to call and take a day off…

It was far past midnight when I fell to sleep. My eyes were closing and my neck kept falling. Finally, sneaky sleep, took over. The voices of TV became distant and I gave up.  I closed my eyes and my mind drifted away…

Hey, hey wind and snow

Hey, hey dance and show

Hey, hey cloud and moon

Hey, hey twist in tune…

Hey, hey dance of death

Hey, hey kiss in the head

A voice was coming thought my dream. A beautiful voice, gentle and soft, like a stream rolling over rocks. Almost forgotten, something from childhood.

I open my eyes and sat on the couch. The TV, set on timer, was off. It was dark and quite. So quite that I heard the tick-tocking of the wall clock in the living room upstairs. I starter to fumble on the wall behind me in search for the electrical cord of table lamp and thought that I need to buy all bunch of those night lights, those ones that you plug directly into the outlets. With the cord I found the switch and the room filled with light again.

I felt sober. The wine was gone and my head was not as light as before. But I was thirsty now. I got up and dragged myself to kitchen. The sound of refrigerator was a calming, almost insuring – like cat’s purring. I filled a big jug with water and ice, made a few big sips and walked toward the living room. Few years ago I installed a big and large bay window in living room, and was enjoying views of the lake all year around. Red and leafy in autumn, grey and brown in spring and green and playful at summer. But most of all I liked the winter view. The waters covered with ice, sleeping, waiting for warmer days. I like its sleeping beauty, covered up with white sheets – a princess in the crystal coffin.

It was light outside. I don’t know how that happens, but every time when it snows, it is light outside. It seems that snow and clouds take even the smallest sours of illumination and reflect its light to everywhere, creating a magnificent, almost magical light. Not bright, just enough to see all around, a white twilight!

I was standing in front of the window drinking water when a sudden movement caught my eye. In the middle of the lake on the flat sheet of the ice I saw something or somebody moving slowly toward me. Soon it was close enough for me to understand what I am looking at. It was a woman!
Barefooted and naked.  With black straight hair covering her shoulders and dark triangle on the bottom of her belly. As she approached I saw her face and was able to decide that she must have been  Asian. High cheekbones and slanting eyes were giving her a bit wild, almost animalistic expression. She was not tall, but proportionally built, with small pointy breasts, and narrow hips. I was standing there, by the window, overwhelmed, staring to her, as she was moving the strange pattern of jumps slides and twists. And swiftly I realized that she was dancing.  I was amazed and astounded. I forgot about my thirst, about the jug of water. A was looking at her, hypnotized by her unearthly beauty and magical dance. It was wordless, wonderful and breathtaking.   And only then I noticed that she was not walking on the snow leaving footprints, but rather gliding over it few inches above.  Then moments later I heard again the beautiful voice singing:

Hey, hey wind and snow

Hey, hey dance and show….

But strangely the voice was not coming from outside, it seemed that it was only in my head.  A beauty of this vision completely took over me. White snow covered lake, threes around it. White village and glowing clouds above, and a magical naked woman dancing on snow. Who can say that he ever was a witness of anything like that?!

The song and the dance were coming to the climax. Her voice was getting lauder and higher and the dancing pa’s faster. And then she made one last turn on her toe, opened her arms with her body stretched and bowed back, as if she was offering herself to the  world. She froze like that for a second and then bowed forward, moved her knees to her chest, clapped her hands and stopped…. After another long second she stood straight turned and glided away. And at that moment I understood that I am not going to see her ever again. And that thought was so painful that I dropped everything, rapped the door open and ran outside after her

“Hey!” I yelled “wait up!”

And she heard me! She turned to me, smiled and glided toward me with her arms opened for hug. She came close and I saw how beautiful she was. Her eyes were a color of honey, golden, light brown, her skin pearly white and smooth like marble.   We hugged; she put her arms around my neck, her body against mine. Her lips came close and we kissed…

An excruciating, burning pain exploding in my face was the last thing I remember.

They found me few hours later on the snow covered lakeshore, laying on my back with blood under my head. Neighbor was walking out the door and saw me and called 911…. Apparently I fell back, smacked my head and blacked out. They took me to the hospital, of course. My lips were frozen white and I had a big bloody bruise on my head.  I was trying to ask, if anybody saw a naked woman. But they just laughed at me and advised to go easy with wine next time.  They said that I was pretty drunk and must be happy to be alive.

They kept me in hospital till next morning. CAT scan and MRI showed I have no brain damage of any kind and they let me go with two prescriptions. One was a painkiller for my head, and the other some cream for my lips.
A full week passed since then. My head is was not paining anymore and my swollen lips decreased to a size when I actually could talk again. With some difficulties, but could… and everyone was staring at me, everywhere I go, I would see those hidden looks at me with silent question:  “What the hell happened his lips?”

They really looked bad; they were swollen and badly cracked. Covered with brown scabs and patches of dead skin.  And every time I would open my mouth I would wipe blood off of them. And what was even worse – the ointment that they gave me, seemed to do nothing to it.

I did not tell anyone about what happen. Nobody would believe me, anyway. And I would not believe myself too. And actually I was starting to think that all what happened was just a stupid accident. That I got drunk, sleepwalked, fell and my got frostbite on my lips. And the woman, and the dance, and the kiss – all that, was nothing more but my imaginations. Well, and the wine of course. A bottle of fine Mondovi’s merlot. It was depressing. One part of my brain was saying that it was real and happened, and the other one was arguing, saying that it could not have happened, because there are no women in existence that can glide above the ground and coming to dance on the icy lakes!

But then in the grocery store an old Asian woman saw my lips and started to mumble something on her language. She was fingering to my lips, then to her lips and kept wailing “Youky Onna! Youky Onna!”  A younger woman, her granddaughter, I think, ran by, grabbed her by the arms and pulled away from me. I did not get much offended or upset, but rather embarrassed little bit and tried to hide in the far alleys away from everybody. But then that young woman came to me with apologies for her grandmother’s behavior. I asked her: “What she was saying?”  Young woman lower her eyes to the floor and then said to me: “She was saying that you were kissed by Youky Onna. Forgive her, please, mister. She is old and confused”

“Who is that Youky Onna?” I asked with sudden cold in my chest.

“It’s a woman form Japanese fairytales.” she answered “a goddess of chill and cold. She comes when its winter and brings snow and ice.”

“Naked?” I asked “with black hair and honey brown eyes?”

The women looked at me. She looked amazed and terrified at the same time. I could see that from her face. She new! It was real! The woman, the dance and the kiss! All of it! But did not answer me.  She looked at me, we stand like that for few seconds and then she bowed to me. “I am sorry for my grandmother, mister.” She said and gave me another bow “My grandmother sais that your lips will not heal. You need to kiss Youky Onna again to get better. You need to put honey on your lips, before you go to sleep and she will come to you at night and will kiss you again. And by the morning your lips will heal. Please forgive my grandmother, mister. I must go now!”

And with that she withdrew, leaving me in that far alley alone.  My heart was pounding in my head:  bum, bum, bum, bum. So, it was real! I did not imagine all that! I am not crazy! And I was not drunk! It was shocking and at the same time healing knowledge. Shocking, because “do they really exist?” and healing, because “I am not losing my mind, after all!”

I am not sure how long I stood there digesting what I just heard. But I knew for sure, that my world, my perception of it was coming back from unbalanced state. Like if I was dizzy all this days, and now the dizziness was leaving. I started to look around to find that old Japanese woman; I had so many questions to ask! I ran thought alleys, circled the entire store couple time, but they must have left already.

I returned home happy that day. I did not feel like that for long period of time actually.

I opened another bottle of same wine, thinking: “Why change, if it worked first time!” and got drunk. And before I closed my eyes I squeezed a plastic honey container on my lips and feel asleep with smile.

His name was Mussafaheel. Not a common name, you know. Strange name. Like something wrong with it, something feels off…
Actually, if compared, everything about that man was strange. His skin was white, but facial lines were of an African. You know…. Wide nasals, big lips…. Like if somebody took Luis Armstrong’s face and stripped the color off of it… He was blond but with curly hair, springy thick small curls. Just like someone from South Africa…. And his eyes … they were of color of ash.

We meet right outside of Central Park, which I was leaving in big annoyance and aggravation. My mood was spoiled by another unsuccessful and absolutely wasted day that I spent there.

See, I am a finder. I find things. That is my gift. When people lose something or someone they come to me and they ask to find it… or him.. Or her. It does not matter. I can find anything. From a wedding ring to a puppy, that got lost on street. I go local to the place that it was lost, close my eyes, clear my mind and imagine the object that got lost. And then just trust my feelings to take me to it. It works all the time, day and night, summer or winter. There is only one condition – it must be lost and not found, and, most importantly, it must not be stolen. Don’t get me wrong, it is not a superpower, like with that girl in “Heroes”. I can’t see the location of somebody somewhere on the planet! No! I just can find things…that are misplaced.  I don’t know much about it, but somebody told me that lost things have difference in their aura or something. And I can feel it. I don’t know. I don’t feel any aura… I am not sure what that aura even look like.

People are coming to me saying: “I lost my wallet, please find it!”
I close my eyes and I see – you did not lose it, it was snatched out off of your pocket. So, don’t be fool, don’t dream of finding it, call the bank and cancel the cards!

And today too I was looking for something… someone… a couple….
It started a week ago. A good friend of mine called me from Arizona. Her name is Rosa Monk. Many years ago she was my friend’s wife. But then few things changed. She got divorced and remarried. And that friend of mine… Well, let us say he choose to go to places, where I would not put my feet on.

Anyway, Rosa’s new husband, Bill is very good guy, I met him few times, very honest, kind and straight forward man. From very famous family in Arizona.

Making a long story short, here is what had happened. Bill’s nephew, a young beautiful girl of age of twenty one meet this guy, age of 22, and feel in love with him. She is … high class, high maintenance, white, daddy’s daughter and he is …Puerto Rican, dark skinned son of a hardworking FedEx track driver.   Needless to say that, when their affair got a little bit deep, the family, her family, got all warned up against it. Her father had a few short words with soon-to-be son-in law, and even offered him a very considerable ransom to leave his daughter alone. Her brother preferred a “man-to-man” talk, but apparently Puerto Ricans also got balls…. Anyway, either the guy was too smart or really loved her, but four weeks ago they went to city hall, got married, pack up the languages and left for their honey moon in New York. No reception, no priest, no guest, no speeches, no father-daughter dance. Just a few friends and even less fewer relatives in small gathering in restaurant. They checked into hotel, here in midtown. Called their parents – just for the record to say now happy they are and two days later disappeared. They had to meet with friends, never showed up, they did not call, and they do not pick up the calls. The parents called to hotel just find out that hotel consider the privacy of their guests at their highest priority and will not share any information about whereabouts of their current guests. In other words, hotel managers told them that their kids did not check out, but if they want more information they have to find another ways to get it. So, girl’s uncle – a politician of some sort, got police involved in this. They came, investigated and found out that the young couple did not show up in hotel for 72 hours. Well after that everything got spinning. The case was hot and high profiled, so police commissioner himself picked up the phone called to Arizona and gave his word to do his best in search of this two kids. Since then – nothing… Police searched and re-searched everywhere possible, questioned and re-questioned anybody possible. The last man who saw them, was a cab driver who dropped them off on front of central park on 59-th street. There was even a report about that TV, on channel 4 I think.

Weeks ago Rosa remembered about my “gift” and called. She explained what happened and e-mailed me the pictures of missing couple. So, I said – sure! I will help. I will find them. And …  And I failed!

I started my search at the southern gates of Central Park, early on the morning and came out empty-handed by night fall. I did  my thing. You know… closing my eyes and letting my mind go… And it worked. I walked the alleys, where, I am sure they walked, holding that faint feeling of their shadows in my hand. But then, at some particular spot, on East drive, right above the lake the feeling all of a sudden disappeared, leaving me empty.

Just like that. Very sharp. One step back – here is their clear trace! One step forward – emptiness. I could not understand it. Never in my life had I ever seen anything like it. It was not a sudden death! No! It was disappearance!
I had few times, when somebody got lost and die, and the body got moved to some another place. But even then, I was able to find it. The place of their death receives a mark! An emotional mark! Like a spot of “light” that stays there for months…. It is impossible to miss. Anybody who has a “gift” can sense it! Can see it!

This time everything was different – incomparable to anything. Like if their existence was dismissed, deleted, if they never existed.
I looked akin to a dog on the hunt. I was circling around that spot, desperately trying to find the lost trace. Circle clockwise, counterclockwise, back and forth, left to right, right to left… hour after hour…

Soon, it was dark. The night hunters were about to start their rituals, so, I decided to stop this headless search and to come back tomorrow with first songs of morning birds.  And I did. Next day, day next to next, day after that and another 4 days in a row. Same spot, same trace same emptiness.

And today I finally gave up. I was about to go home, to call Rosa and get drunk. I felt disappointed, confused and aggravated. I was close to 79-Th street exit when a minor bloodsucker suddenly jumped out off the bushes in hopes of easy dinner. I whipped him with a Gray Flame, clearing my way out. He howled in return.  That just added to my cup. I breaded another spell and through it to his face making him burn. “Get away from me!” I yelled “What is wrong with you?!” Bloodsucker turned transparent and melted in the shadows.

I left the Park and just turned on Fifth Avenue, when somebody called my name.

-Hey Markus!

I turned around.  The man I was looking at was tall and large. Not fat though, but large. Like if you take a well build man and proportionally scale him up.

- Do I know you?” I answered

- I don’t think so” he said “but you definitely want to talk with me.

- Talk with you? About what?

- Well, how about an unsuccessful day” he smiled widely showing white and clapped his hands.

- What the hell are you talking about?” My aggravation was growing.

- About people that are trying to find things, that other people lost.

It was getting serious.

- Did you loose something?

- Why, can you help?”  he was having fun , I think

-  Listen, man, I don’t have time for this,” I was about to explode “you either tell me what you want, or  go to hell.”

- Go to hell?” He repeated  “No thanks! Too hot, too noisy, not my kind of place. I better tell.”

- So?

- I want you stop searching for those two?

- What are you talking about?” I decided to play dumb. I always play dumb, when I don’t understand what is going on. Gives me time for “proper orientation”.

- Listen,” he said “I know who you are, I know about your gift, and I know that you were doing here for past week. And I want you to stop it.”

Now, I got scared. And when I get scared I become aggressive. Just in case… you know…

- Well,- a said, – if you know that much about me, you should know, that you have to give me more than that, to make me stop.

- I figured I give it a try, – he smiled, – but if you insist…

My guts got stiff. I prepared to hit him with a spell and run away with a first sign of an attack. But instead he jerked his head toward a horse carriage behind him

- Care for a ride?

It was a white carriage harnessed with dark brown horse.

- That’s my living, – he said, – am driving a carriage around, with tourists.

- Pays well?- I was still alert but the tension was gone

- Depends, – he jerked his head again, -Weather and seasons…. Sit next to me… then we can talk.

- M’name is Mussafaheel, I am an angel…. Well… I was an angel, when he… – he looked up, – was creating the existence. But then… I crewed up and got sort of.. fired. If you know what I mean?… Since then I live like this, here and there, doing this or that. Keeping low profile. Not showing up.

- Stop the carriage, I am getting off, – I started to thing that he is just a crazy.

- You think I am crazy, aren’t you!

- If you are an angel you be able to think my mind.

- That was not my specialty… you know.

- Stop the carriage, please- I was trying to jump off the sit.

- No! no. Listen I may sound crazy, – he grabbed my hand, – You wanna prove?

- Yeh, Prove it. Show me some angel staff. – I managed to jump and was standing in safe distance from him.

- All right, – he said, – look!

Hi jumped from the carriage too and came close to me. Then he picked-up a yellow leaf from the ground and gave it to me.

- Hold it like this, – he said and sandwiched the steam between my fingers, – vertically.

It was an fallen leaf, yellow, dry and rolled up. Mussafaheel  moved his palm above mine and leaf started to change. Under the light of an yellow street lights I saw now the leaf expanded, gained green and became fresh. Like if it was ripped from a branch.

- Good enough? – he asked

- Well… its impressive, – I said, – how did you do this?

-  I can make it to give roots and start growing if you want. But it’ll take some time.  All angels have healing powers… besides the…. Professional staff.

- What “ professional staff”

- We were His employees, you know. And every one has its own speciality…

- And what is yours?

- I can see past and future. And move objects from one universe to another… Are you coming?, – he climbed back the carriage’s flyman’s sit.

- The universe you know is not the only one. It is just one of many, – he was telling me, while the we were driving dawn 5-th avenue.- there are different layers of universes one above the other. There are unlimited numbers of worlds in every universe. And there is a special set of rules or equations that makes everything spinning without His immediate interference. If the equation is broken then that universe collapses. If the equations are good – the universe exists long enough to develop life. Like here, on Earth. Those equations are very very complicated, not comprehensible by human. Even we, angels, know them only partially.  All I know,  is if you want to create a new universe you a set of equations and change a small little thing on any of them. And a new universe will get created, a very close clone of the previous one. Just a bit different.

- And now all this is related to a honey-mooners that I am looking for.

He fetched a sigh.

- That day… I saw them coming out the cab… I liked them, liked them both. And then….

- What?

- I saw their past and I saw their future… and they walked just right at me and asked for a ride!

- And?

- I did not wanted to interfere… I said that the horse is tired and need to rest. But she looked at me, deep in my eyes… and I don’t know what happen. But next i see, they were sitting in my carriage cuddling and talking about future.

- So what happen?

- They were making plans. To get an apartment, to get jobs. To have kids… To be happy! And… And … I knew that its not going to happen. I knew that in near future he is going to be crippled by a car accident. the car would hit him in the back,  leaving him paralysed for whole his life…. I knew that she was pregnant by then, and she will have miscarriage… I knew that she  it will brake her and she will end up in mental hospital, where she will kill herself. I knew that will just add unbearably heavy misery to the boy’s condition. And I knew that he will suffer for whole his life – for long 15 years. Being paralysed, with a broken spine. Not able not only to move but even talk. I knew that after all the doctors will make an miracle fixing him up. And I knew that next day after they realise him from the hospital he would also kill himself…

- O God!

- O, yes! O God. That night in my carriage was basically the only happy night they had left….

- And?

- And I decided to save them.  I decided to take them to some other universe where their life and happiness would be spared…. And I did that. I opened a “gate” and drove right trough it. Into a just bit different universe, where they were not existing before. I finished that ride. Got paid, opened a “gate”  and came back.

- Just like that?

- Yeah, just like that.

We ceased talking for a moment. The horse was puling down the street. I was digesting this new turn of the events and new knowledge that fell on me, and Mussafaheel was just holding the harnesses. The street noise around us somehow faded and seemed far and not very annoying. Which was strange, but from another hand it was the list strangest thing that happened today.

- So, what you gonna do? – he broke the silence

- Well. I think, the search is, obviously, over. And obviously I cant tell anyone about you. So, I  guess I gotta call Rosa and tell her that I failed…

-  Yeah, – he said, – that is wise. Thank you then… I appreciate that.

- you are welcome,  – I said, – there is only two questions I would like to ask. Would you mind?

- No, – he answered -  Go ahead!

- Don’t you think that just leaving those two there in different world would be very dangerous for them?

- yeah-, Mussafaheel nodded this head, – I thought so. And next day I got in touch with some of my own kind in that world. And they will take care of them… they promised…

- Aha, your own kind, Ha?…. Nice. So everything is taken care of, and the kids are  doing well?

- Yes. Sure! We are angels after all, you know, can fix stuff…. So, what was your second question?

- Why did you asked me to stop the search? You know, I had no way to figure this out. To find you or them…

-  Well,- he gave a pause,- remember I told you about the equations being broken….

- Yeah. And?

- Well this is the case when equation got broken…. Almost… I don’t want to explain you what exactly happened. Just believe me… I stabilized the equation, brought everything back to balance. But you, with your search, were disturbing it again. And I was afraid that this world could collapse.

- What?

- Yes, its complicated….

- Apparently it is! If the faith of the entire world is connected to a disappearance of two young kinds…
We stopped talking again. We were crossing 39-th were I parked the car.
Mussafaheel pulled the harnesses stopping the horse.

-  Did you read my mind?, – I asked.

- Yeah, happens all the time. it just like hearing.
I hesitated for a second and then looked at him but he didn’t let me talk.

- Because I am an angel, not a murderer, – he said with a smile.

-What? – I got confused.

- You wanted to ask why I did not kill you nor did something to keep you away… That is the answer – I am an angel, not a murderer.

“OK, – I said with a pause, – I will take your word for it… See you around, Mussafaheel. I go now.” I turned away and started to walk down the alley.

“Hey, Markus!” I heard a yell from the back, “I know how to return favors!”
I turned back to him. In the darkness did not see his face, only a silhouette: A giant, sitting on the carriage. And for a split second it seemed to me that I saw a swing of pearly white pair of wings, behind his back… but then it was just a gust wind playing with paper and dust.

- If I dare to ask for one! – I yelled back, then turned again and walked without looking back.

Hello!How you doing?

-…

-I am fine thanks. How was your weekend?

-…

-Good, good…Mine was good too, thanks. Was barbecuing, had some guests over. The weather was nice – thanks for that.

- …

-What!?

- …

- What you mean?

- ….

- Well, if it not you than who?

- ….

- How that can be?

-…

- Wow! Itself, ha?! That is cool!

-…

- So, you set it once and its run all by itself? No interference from you?! Nice, nice!  So many years and yet runs good like new! THAT IS TRULY REMARKABLE!

-…

- Listen, I have a question and I don’t mean any offence. Ok?

-…

- I am not being predigest or chauvinistic by any means. I just want to know out my curiosity. If it was possible to distinct your sex… what would that be? Man or woman, male or female?

-…

-Aha! Ok, ok, thought so… Then…  May I ask another question?

-…

- Thanks. Why in that case you did not let women rule?

-…

- I mean manage countries, states…  tribes?

-…

- Well, you can’t deny that in human history majority of kings, emperors, tsars, chefs, presidents, premier ministers and other titled and untitled rulers were man!?

-…

- Look, let’s take ancient Egypt for example – how many women? 3-4?  Ancient Greek? Same story. Roman Empire? Byzantine Empire? Renaissance? Modern Days?

-…

- I think about that a lot. Now would our history look, if women were in charge? Would there be Alexandra the Grate for example or Caesarea Gay Julius?  Or maybe we would avoid the temptations of war victories? Imagine, there was no Genghis Khan and Napoleon never marched through Europe.  Was no Hitler, no Stalin, no Hiroshima, no Korea, Vietnam, no Saddam Hussein.

-…

- There is always man…. Man…. Man…. Statue of man, weapon of man, house of man, state of man… Man forgets that he had a mother and kills the mothers of other men. Man forgets that he has a sister and rapes the sister of other man. Man forgets that he has kids and makes the children of the other man his slaves… Man forgets that he has brothers and destroys their houses… It is always about man…

-…

- We screwed up so baldy… and we still do it… every day. …and I am looking for fix…. A global fix… i want to believe that if there was no man in charge that would not happen…

-…

-Remember you were telling me that balance is very important?

-…

-I am sorry, but I fail to see a balance here.

- …

-Really?

-…

- If not you than who?

-…

- What you mean “US”?! We are too stupid to be responsible for it! We can’t keep balance! No way!

-…

- When was last time you had looked at us? Balance? What balance? We are struggling with balance in our everyday life and you want us to keep balance of power….

-…

- We eat too much, we smoke too much, we sleep too much, we work too much, we ignore each other too much, we lie too much, we love too much and hate too much two. Everything we do we do too much – there is no balance in our lives. Not even close to balance. Our lives are like broken swings – they fly from one extreme to other. And you know that.

-…

-I AM SURE, YOU KNOW THAT!

-…

-  No, no! Not by any means. I am not questioning your creation. It just… I want you to interfere a little bit more – to at least to set some boundaries… you know… some borders….Some… “Must do this or suffer” rules….

-…

-Of course we suffer! The thing is we don’t know how to stop our suffering!

-…

- See, that is my idea! What if we just switch positions? What if it is not “ I AM THE MAN, AND YOU ARE MY WOMAN”, but “I AM THE WOMAN, AND THAT IS FINAL”. What if man is responsible for rising kids and taking care of house and woman is free to do what man is continuously failing to do?   Will it change the order of things? Will we stop killing each other? Will the world become a better place, if the presidents of most powerful countries on the planet are women? Will it be a peace finally, will we start caring about the planet?

-…

- No, I don’t know the answer. But I think you have to try! I can’t get any worse!

-…

- WHY DO YOU THINK SO?

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- PLEASE EXPLAIN.

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- YES, I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY DO YOU THINK THAT NOTHING WILL CHANGE?

-…

- YOU WANT ME WHAT?… TO REPEAT WHAT YOU SAY?… OUT LOUD?

-…

- OK, I PROMISE! I WILL REPEAT IT EXACTLY HOW YOU SAY IT – WORD TO WORD!

-…

- SO HERE IS IT!  ”I GAVE MAN THE POWER TO RULE THE WORLD AND TO WOMAN THE POWER TO CONTROL THE MAN.”….SO?!…  A! … OK… I GOT IT! … SOMETIMES YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO STUPID….

-…

-… YEH, YEH… KEEP LAUGHING! KEEP LAUGHING! …

I have four PhD’s in my family. Four. Not two or one, but four!  When their concentration in the room gets more than one I feel like a baboon! Compared to them anyway! An ape! And the music from Stanly Kubrick “Space odyssey” pops in my head. Remember the beginning, when primates discover the obelisk? B-a-a-a, b-a-a-am, b-a-a-a-a-am, ba-bam! Remember? … Well…. Then Google it! Laughable isn’t it? Not yet? Yeahhh, you right it is not laughable; it’s too gloomy to be laughed on!  To make it even worse – all them, all four of them, are PhDs in economics. Can you believe that? Some people do not come even close to see a real PhD in economics in their lives and i have whole stock of them!

Hey, anybody wants a PhD?! Good decoration for your living room?! You will be really proud of it! Think about the entertainment factor!,,, And its not expensive!… It also can tutor your children!… No?! …No?!…Somebody?!… Anybody?!…. I am doomed!

One of them made its PhD in former Soviet Union – and that country went bankrupt soon after he got his degree. The other three got their degrees here, in USA.  And, man, I was scared last year! It looked like a bankruptcy all over again. But, God bless, we avoided it.

So, I was taking with them about this entire economic situation. And not ones, not even twice they tried to explain to me why the banks and insurance companies must be saved, despise the fact that they are solely guilty in out continues misery. But I am made of completely different dough. I did not understand anything. Nor I agreed with them on saving those banks…

The thing that I got from those conversations was a shocking fact that somehow the concept of money made of paper it based on trust. It is not clear for me yet what is trust has to do with it, and who trusts who? But I think, I think… it was about us trusting bankers that they have enough gold in their basements to support every paper dollar they have….

First of all, how the hell we trust them?! After all what they did last year?! Are we out of our minds!!!!! We all have to go to the banks and demand that gold! Take the paper give us the gold!

But want to know what is more bizarre than that?! We trust in gold! In Gold! Just think about it! Out of all objects and substances on this planet! For some strange twisted turn of human mind we all decided that the most valuable and desired thing on is gold? Gold! Yellow metal!  Why did we decide that it’s trustworthy? Because it’s what? Because it’s soft? Or maybe because its yellow?  Ahhh, I know… I know – because women liked it!!!

…Wow!… Wow!… Just wow!… Why? How?… Just how that did happen that we could not find anything more valuable that gold. And why gold? Why not silver for example, or iron – you at least could make decent things off of it?

But let me ask you something? When somebody is in New Orleans right after hurricane Katrina, does he desire gold? Or, God forbid, somebody is gravely ill- does he dream about gold? Or and most important even if somebody has that gold, a lot of it, can he take it with him when he dies? He can have it in his grave, but taking it is not an option, I think.

I really don’t care if our monetary system is based on gold. I don’t care… gold, silver, diamonds or saffron. Whatever… It just… I wish, we put our trust in something more, should I say, holy… and spiritual?!  After all our well being depend on it.